


Just My Humanity (Getting the Better of Me)

by Star_dancer54



Series: Dear god old stuff. Like, seriously old. [53]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Ghost!Sam Winchester, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-12
Updated: 2007-04-12
Packaged: 2019-02-15 00:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13019637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_dancer54/pseuds/Star_dancer54
Summary: If Sam were still human, he’d probably think that he’s being sick and twisted as he watched his brother and his brother’s lover twining around each other in enthusiastic greeting from wherever Jared had been for four months. Instead, he just feels... peace.





	Just My Humanity (Getting the Better of Me)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [](https://cherryscott.livejournal.com/profile)[**cherryscott**](https://cherryscott.livejournal.com/) ‘s [Damaged ‘Verse](http://cherryscott.livejournal.com/865592.html#cutid1), where Sam has died and Dean is forced to live without him. One day, Dean meets a man who could be Sam’s doppelganger. This is Sam’s story. This takes place after Cherry’s latest fic [Call & Answer](http://cherryscott.livejournal.com/921076.html), right after Jared returns from a four-month trip for a movie. Betaed by [](https://deathangelgw.livejournal.com/profile)[](https://deathangelgw.livejournal.com/)**deathangelgw** , blessed is she among betas.  
> 

If Sam were still human, he’d probably think that he’s being sick and twisted as he watched his brother and his brother’s lover twining around each other in enthusiastic greeting from wherever Jared had been for four months. Instead, he just feels... peace. Gladness that his brother is so clearly being taken care of and pride that Dean isn’t so messed up from his own death that he can’t love anyone ever again. Maybe, if he were still human, he’d feel some jealousy at the fact that Dean didn’t think constantly of him and was instead filling his thoughts of his lover. But he isn’t and is just grateful for it. He knows his old flaws well now and, after they were washed away, he just felt relief for that. He can’t even bring himself to consider envy from the obvious... devotion Jared clearly feels for Dean, which Dean returns.

He watches Dean settle onto his back on the hardwood floor with Jared’s slender hips between his thighs as Jared leans down to kiss him then bite at his neck. He smiles when Dean shudders hard and lets out a thin noise that he can almost hear through the window due to something Jared is doing with his hand between Dean’s legs. He laughs a bit to himself when Dean smacks Jared’s shoulder while saying something snarky in response to what Sam is sure was a declaration of love...even while Dean’s thoughts tremble in what feels tremulously close to joy.

Dean and Jared’s lovemaking continues long into the night, eventually making their way to their bed after a few false starts and the removal of curious canine noses from sensitive areas. As they move through the house, Sam moves to other windows, keeping an eye out for anything dangerous outside and warming himself on their love. Despite what one thinks, the afterlife isn’t very cold, but when near the living, the dead crave that heat, no matter how accustomed they have become to the non-weather of the other side. Sam thinks that love is possibly one of the best sensations he’s ever felt, living or dead.

Their last round takes place on their bed, moonlight silvering the world and shimmering on the wards that Sam has put up each time he’s visited. He is the only one who can see them, but after the scare that they got when the Blutschink followed Dean home, he’s made sure that nothing else could get close to the house that would mean ill will for either of the lovers. He thinks that Dean’s aware of them. They are blood kin after all, so he must sense something, but he’s never actually looked at them...at least from what Sam has seen.

Jared, though... Sam thinks that Jared can see them out of the corner of his eyes sometimes. He probably thinks they’re Dean’s doing and hasn’t said anything to put Dean on the spot about his paranoia.

When Dean and Jared finally finish, Sam waits until they’ve drifted off to sleep to move closer to the window. He focuses a moment, then _breathes_ onto the glass. This requires more power than he likes, but the windowpane he breathes on goes foggy. He sketches another ward rune on it, then watches the glass clear again. He sees his own vague reflection on the glass, but it fades just as the fog did. He steps through the wall, leaving some of himself in the ward, and approaches the bed. His hand is translucent where it hovers momentarily over Dean’s cheek, but he focuses a moment and he can almost feel the softness of Dean’s skin. Dean shifts in his sleep and murmurs something unintelligible.

Some small part of Sam wishes that he could speak to his brother one last time. He’d tell Dean, _It’s okay...you have a right to be happy_ and _I never doubted you_ and _You don’t need forgiveness because you never did anything that required it_. He doesn’t think he’d be able to shut up were he to get a second chance, but he never will until Dean has passed over and, while he misses his brother, loves him, and always wants him nearby, it’s time for Dean to _live_.

So he just lowers his face to his brother’s and presses his ghostly lips against Dean’s forehead before whispering, “Dean,” like a benediction and prayer and everything else that has meaning all wrapped in a single word.

Dean smiles in his sleep, then rolls closer to his lover.

Sam walks over to the other side of the bed to where Jared is spread out over most of the bed. He touches the other man’s hand, so similar to his own and yet so very different. When he lowers his face to Jared’s, he smiles a bit and whispers, even though the man can’t hear him, “Thank you.”

He feels the call and turns from the bed, walking out of the apartment.


End file.
